Breathless
by flashpenguin
Summary: As the dawn breaks on Easter morning, Joss reflects on her one year anniversary and the twists and turns her life took to get here. And she ponders the big questions of her life: When did she know that she loved John? How did she know she loved him? That's simple: It was the moment he left her breathless. *COMPLETE!*


**Breathless**

 _ **Song prompt: "Breathless" by The Corrs**_

 _Why do you love me? When did you know that you loved me?_

Those were the two questions that had been floating around in Joss Carter-Warren's mind for the past couple of days. It had been asked innocently in passing. Yet, she was still at a loss for an answer—what could she say? Even she had been shocked when the feelings below the surface came out—a self-proclaimed "independent woman" trying to make it in the world as a single-parent while climbing the ladder of the NYPD, had no time for love, much less romance!

Until that fateful night when a rookie transit beat cop brought in a disheveled bum and a carload of wannabe thugs, who had been involved in an altercation on the subway. It just had to be her luck that the night she pulled a third shift a stack of paperwork would come across her desk. She should have bowed out—after all, she was a Homicide Detective, not a desk sergeant; she should have excused herself for a cup of mud and left the bookings to the pros.

Except she had to look up and see the most magnificent pair of blue eyes, and like that! she was dragged into the tractor beam. A sixth sense had warned her that the bum was trouble, but she liked trouble. But the moment she walked into the room she could tell that the dirty, filthy—did she mention reeking to high heaven? - individual had intrigued her. She just had to know more.

Donning her best Warrant Officer attitude, she decided to play it cool. Then he looked up with such sad eyes she wanted to take him in her arms. She had seen that look in dozens of men who had served under her in Khandahar and Baghdad, and it wounded her every time. So she turned around and got a cup of water. If she could distract herself, she could keep her composure. But not before their eyes had met and she felt the breath leave her body. Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men.

The bum turned out to be a former killer-for-hire, and any feelings she had for him went out the window. Now it was a cat-n-mouse game...except when he turned the tables and made her feel like the mouse. Smart, determined, playing for keeps—that would describe the both of them! and deep down inside, if she had to admit it, she liked it. Maybe that is why she got distracted and let herself get influenced by men with revenge on their minds.

She had been party to a few things—after all, even the best generals had to have "a means to an end" - and Joss Carter was no different. But lying and deception were never in her book. The moment the bullet left the rifle, she realized that she had been played. And she was out of there.

For the first time in her life she had deliberately bent her moral code to help a fugitive escape justice. Or was he a fugitive? Her rulebook and head said that what her mutual friends were doing was going to end sadly, but her heart said that it was for the greater good. Until it all went sideways and he wound up at Rikers on the receiving end of yet another federal agent with a grudge.

That was when she started down the path of leaving Joss Carter behind and became a vigilante with a shield. And it scared her—the lying, deception, rule breaking, skirting federal regs and involving herself in a game of Cloak & Dagger that was better in the movies. She soon found out that not every good guy wore white; and not every bad guy wore black—it was more like everyone wore grey...including herself.

But that day she spent interrogating him at Rikers opened her eyes to a part of him she never would have guessed existed. Behind the half-truths and fibs, there was a kernel of truth about his past, and she could feel her heart falling. And it didn't help that he was answering in double entendres. No wonder Donnelly became suspcious. But she didn't care. Maybe that is why she missed the signs—including the one where he called her bluff and, once again, she lost her breath.

Death came calling that night—although it missed her and her mutual friends. Still, it was a wake up call that she was getting too close. So, she shut down her feelings and took herself out of the equation by focusing on someone new: Cal Beecher.

A sweet, arrogant detective who could give her a safe life—or as safe as HR would allow. She didn't feel as though she had to hide her feelings from Cal, or pretend that they didn't exist. She could almost fall in love with him...except for the fact that her heart already belonged to someone else. But that didn't stop the tears when Cal was killed.

Maybe that's why her life went completely off the rails. Everything she once believed in went out the window as she unleashed all of the pent-up anger, sadness, and unrequited love she felt inside. No one was spared as she waged hell on anyone who crossed her path and tried to bring them to justice. Okay, so a few died. But not before that little spark was reunited by a biting remark made by Lansky.

" _...your boyfriend..."_

Boyfriend?! She had never thought of him in that way...or had she? She didn't want to think about the possible future they _could_ have together because could always got ruined in the end. But that didn't stop the breath from catching in her chest at the thought. Right before everything went to hell.

It was the memory of his kiss that had helped her pull thru when the doctors had given up hope for a full recovery. It was the memory of his arms around her holding her close, that had propelled her to see both sides of the coin. And it was the way her breath caught every time he looked at her. Especially that Easter afternoon when he knelt down before her and asked for her hand. She had forgotten how to breathe.

He promised to love her and protect her, and never make her cry...unless it was happy tears. At that moment every wish in her life had come true. It was better than any dream she ever had; and it was more powerful when she was awake. She sighed. Yep, she was in love.

Now, she stood looking out the window as Easter morning dawned. It was the day of their anniversary, and inside she carried a new life, the product of their love. Just the thought left her trying to catch her breath.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. Warm lips pressed a kiss to her neck.

"Happy anniversary," John whispered in Joss's ear, his warm breath fanned upon her skin. Joss felt goosebumps, and her heart beat wildly as John's hands moved down to cup the soft mound of their baby.

"Happy anniversary to you," Joss whispered back. She felt her knees go weak at his touch.

"I reached for you but you weren't there," John chastised. He placed a kiss for each word he spoke.

"I was thinking about what you asked." Joss turned around to face John.

"Oh? Which one was that?" John asked innocently.

"The one where you asked when I knew that I loved you."

John's eyes danced with humour. "Oh."

"When you left me breathless."

John's finger traced the outline of Joss's lips. "Breathless? You don't say."

"Like right now." Joss pressed herself against John. That protective cloak wrapped around and shielded her.

"Amazing how that works out," John replied, his breathing was heavy from love and desire. "Do you know what today is?" John asked.

"Easter...and the day I said yes." She tried to blink back the rush of tears clouding her vision, but she failed. Her hand trembled as she reached up to cup John's face.

"Yes you did," John said softly.

Could she love him anymore than she loved him right now? Joss wondered. "I have to thank you for saving me...for having faith in me...for loving me," Joss's voice was hoarse from holding her emotions in check. John's hand covered Joss's. "I don't know how to ever pay you back."

"Leave me breathless."

The heart she thought could never hold anymore love, suddenly filled to the top and spilled over. Stepping on tippy-toe, Joss looked deep into her husband's eyes, her lips hovered just mere centimeters from his. And then that old familiar feeling happened again.

"Funny you should say that," Joss said. Then she fulfilled his request. Forever.

 **The End.**

* * *

 _ **Happy Easter to all!**_


End file.
